| I know what's best for you. I do - really. | | | | Motivation |
| "I know what you should do to sort out your problem. | | | | The third is motivation. Unless someone is actively |
| You should do this..." | | | | looking for good advice, information on a subject or |
| Helpful advice and good suggestions | | | | help for an issue, what we provide will always be |
| How many times have we said this or heard this from | | | | 'background stuff'. This is the kind of information we |
| our friends and relatives? We all like to think that we | | | | read or hear and store away in part of our brain for |
| know what is best for other people, not only because | | | | another time when we might need it. The old saying |
| we love them and want the best for them, but also | | | | that "You can bring a horse to water, but you cannot |
| because we genuinely believe what has worked | | | | make him drink" is very true and reflects the situation |
| effectively for us in the past, will work for those for | | | | nicely. As an outsider, we can see someone 'needing |
| whom who we care. | | | | help' but the person concerned is just not ready or at |
| The funny thing is, that often these good suggestions | | | | that stage of their life to require a solution to their |
| do work for them, but they don't want to hear this | | | | problem. |
| helpful advice from us. | | | | Health advice |
| Not from us | | | | These three points are particularly interesting where |
| For some reason, and I am in the middle of working | | | | health is concerned. We often see a friend or relative |
| this out at the moment, our loved ones will often take | | | | who has a health problem and we naturally want to |
| helpful advice from strangers or acquaintances who | | | | help them. Our experiences are the best we have to |
| they hardly know. Sometimes it is exactly what we | | | | offer, and offering the good suggestions which have |
| have suggested but described or presented in a | | | | been successful for us is the way we show our love |
| different way by the acquaintance. This is so annoying | | | | and caring for the person who is ill. |
| that it used to get me hopping mad until I realised three | | | | A form of arrogance |
| things were making a difference between being | | | | Unfortunately, the problem comes when we think that |
| listened to, and being filed away somewhere. | | | | our life experiences are better and more effective |
| Delivery | | | | than those of the friend or relative who is ill. Unless we |
| The first thing is delivery. The method of delivery of | | | | are experts in the area concerned, it is an extreme |
| our helpful advice is so important and has to fit with | | | | form of arrogance to think that our helpful advice is |
| the way someone learns or assimilates their | | | | any better and more effective than theirs, and unless |
| knowledge. This is a whole subject on its own and | | | | they ask for suggestions or help, perhaps it would be |
| there are courses and university degrees devoted to | | | | kinder not to offer our opinions. |
| the way people learn and the way to get through to | | | | The best of intentions |
| 'tagret audiences'. We cannot hope to understand this | | | | I know many of you will disagree with this last point |
| unless we have studied it, so any delivery of our | | | | and you will insist that any suggestion you make is |
| advice will be hit-and-miss at best. | | | | done with the best of intentions and it is up to the |
| Timing | | | | person concerned whether they accept your good |
| The second is timing. Actors know that timing is | | | | suggestions or not. To some extent I understand your |
| everything and so it is with helpful advice too. Getting | | | | feelings, but I think that there is enough control exerted |
| our good suggestions information across has to be | | | | on us by almost every aspect of society in general |
| done at the right time otherwise it will not sink in on a | | | | without out friends and relatives adding to it. In addition |
| conscious level. Unconscious information gathering | | | | to this, my own experiences have taught me that |
| goes on constantly and we are always being | | | | things get extremely complicated when you have |
| bombarded by TV advertising and other media | | | | many friends and family all making kindly suggestions. |
| offerings. Timing does not seem to make much | | | | This is particularly overpowering when a person is ill |
| difference on subconscious input as far as I can make | | | | and does not need the energy drain and extra |
| out. | | | | confusion that so many 'helpful suggestions' bring. |