| Have you ever been to Destin, Florida? I love the white | | | | hippopotamuses in Fantasia, but with inferior |
| sand beaches, moderate climate and beautiful clear | | | | choreography, a gaudier outfit, and large, pendulous |
| blue ocean there, although it's a much more touristy | | | | breasts, thus came Sandra Valentine Cade Isaacs, |
| kind of place than it was about 30 years ago when I | | | | scattering sunbathers, small children and a few loose |
| first went there with my father, step mother, half-sister, | | | | pets. With a high pitched squeal and appendages flying |
| and other family members. I remember that we | | | | in all directions, onward she came . . . along with the |
| checked into this one and a half star motel right on the | | | | main body of the swarm of bees. About 20 yards |
| beach, next door to a new circular tower motel which | | | | from the water, her spasms and movements |
| had a revolving restaurant on the top. Made my | | | | somehow organized into this unholy rhythm of jiggling |
| step-mother nauseous being in the restaurant (a | | | | flesh, waving arms, waddling legs, and two enormous |
| highlight of the trip for me!). | | | | breasts that bounced mightily back and forth from the |
| Anyway, when we first checked in we noticed that | | | | vicinity of her lap all the way up to her face and back. |
| there was this big wooden tub full of bottles of "Dark | | | | BAH-BLAM, BAH-BLAM, BAH-BLAM! |
| Tanning Oil With Genuine Coconut Oil" on sale in the | | | | The entire crowded beach, which the rest of us now |
| lobby for something like 2 bottles for a dollar. | | | | realized had been laughing mightily at our perils, |
| Hmmmm-just the thing for our budget! So we splurged | | | | became silent in momentary awe. Except for the ones |
| and bought like 4 bottles and the woman at the front | | | | who were squawking and scrambling to get out of her |
| desk seemed so impressed that she threw two more | | | | direct path. Even the bees seemed to back off, |
| bottles in for good measure! | | | | although I think they did so mostly from a sense of self |
| Soon after we unpacked, we headed to the beach | | | | preservation, since the mighty pendulums appeared to |
| with our spiffy swim suits, our relatively pale bodies | | | | be exacting a toll of their own on the bees which |
| glistening with ample amounts of the aforementioned | | | | ventured into their path. |
| tanning oil. As soon as we got near the beach, this | | | | Finally, she reached the edge of the water, and, after |
| demonic bee that appeared to be a cross between a | | | | about three more unsteady steps fell facedown with a |
| bumblebee, a pissed off hornet and a kamikaze pilot | | | | mighty splash into the aforementioned 6 inches of |
| began to attack. So we began to dodge and swat as | | | | water, momentarily scattering water, sand and bees. |
| we continued toward the water. Then another bee | | | | The crowd regained its voice and many applauded |
| joined in and we dodged and swatted even more. | | | | and cheered. Others, like myself, just laughed. The rest |
| Then another couple of bees joined in and we began | | | | of our group rushed to her aid while the bees were still |
| to look like the Grambling Marching Band double-timing | | | | in disarray. With considerable effort, they turned her |
| it to the beach. In only seconds, a whole swarm of | | | | over and drug her into the deeper and more bee-safe |
| bees was upon us and the rout was on. | | | | water (thus starting a ritual that was later adopted by |
| Thus began the famous Isaacs Family Forty Yard | | | | Greenpeace and others along the west coast to save |
| Desperation Dash to the Ocean. A couple of the | | | | large beached mammals). |
| family tried to dive in the water where it was still only | | | | Once we had her in with the rest of us, in water up to |
| about 6 inches deep, thus burying their heads in the | | | | our necks, we began to gather our wits and ponder |
| sand (a family specialty) and exposing their nether | | | | what had happened. As we sputtered theories of alien |
| regions (another family specialty). And a couple of the | | | | visitations, abnormal sunspot activities and unusual |
| more fortunate or more frightened ones of us hit the | | | | planetary alignments, another beachgoer paddled close |
| water so fast that we continued running for another 15 | | | | by on an air mattress and said, "I guess you folks |
| or 20 yards on top of the water before we sank | | | | bought the cheap tanning oil too. Don't feel too bad, my |
| beneath the surface. | | | | folks bought some of that coconut oil crap when we |
| Then there was my step-mother (heh, heh, heh). Yep, | | | | first got here too. I'm not sure whether it attracts those |
| straight out of the chorus line of the dancing | | | | damn bees or just thoroughly pisses them off! |