| My psychiatrist always told me that mania
| |
| | your friends. Whether you do this with
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| is a mental illness. In my humble
| |
| | an orgasmic game of scrabble, fuck
|
| opinion, after the many years I've spent
| |
| | parties, heroin, or plenty of alcohol is
|
| on this shithole of a planet, anyone who
| |
| | your decision. I've done all as a means
|
| still experiences bouts of sanity after
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| | of associating with my friends, and I
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| seeing the shit that goes on around them
| |
| | have to tell you, scrabble fuckin' sucks.
|
| suffers from mental illness. I've pushed
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| | It really is good to spend time with
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| myself through so much shit that there's
| |
| | people that you can associate with. It's
|
| just got to be some damage to those
| |
| | absolutely necessary. It is in these
|
| delicate think organs. All too often,
| |
| | moments of profound intoxication,
|
| there would be secret murmurs from a deep
| |
| | forgetfulness, and sheer bliss that you
|
| conscience, "just hold through this...
| |
| | get such beautiful exchanges as, "I'll
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| one day, things will be better..." We're
| |
| | sell you my soul for a shwill of that
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| all insane; it's all really just a matter
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| | beer... and not the bottom part of the
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| of the degree.Item #1. Never forget...
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| | beer, either..." to things as interesting
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| the misery you've had to pull through,
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| | as, "I really need to stop killing
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| like wadding through some shit swamp.So,
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| | people; this shit is really cutting in to
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| I've started a list. A list of things to
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| | my schedule..." I'd make another item,
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| remember. Because, as hope springs
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| | not to forget your friends and to always
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| eternal, my little mental notes will one
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| | be there for them, but that's a part of
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| day fade out; that will just be my brain
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| | item #5. Actually, to make sure I don't
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| making room for alcoholism and
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| | forget...Item #5. Sub-clause. Never
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| disrespectful habits towards my best
| |
| | forget... to be there for your friends
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| friends. One day, I'll be satisfied.
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| | when they need you.There have been some
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| There will be good friends all around, a
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| | good friends, some bad friends, and not
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| good career doing whatever (I 'unno...
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| | in any way you might recognize. My best
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| I'm thinking mechanic or some such), and
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| | friend introduced me to heroin, and
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| plenty of good times to be had. And, in
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| | that's not why he's my best friend. And,
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| that future, that dream I stumble on when
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| | one of the greatest friends I ever had
|
| I cruise these sidewalks, I imagine there
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| | (who I'd like to think was never my
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| will be plenty of things I forget. Among
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| | friend), is now my worst enemy. It was
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| those, there is this: the shitty misery
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| | because he sided with my family members
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| I've been through. I'm sure that the
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| | when they tried to have an intervention
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| working class proletariat don't need to
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| | on my drinking. I agreed to listen, so
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| be told what my life has consisted of.
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| | long as I could drink Bacardi... and so
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| Nine to five jobs, those lovely few
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| | long as someone else was paying for it.
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| months of unemployment when it seems that
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| | That fucker. He was all like, "I don't
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| nobody will hire you, approximately five
| |
| | think that's a good idea that you drink
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| hundred "just one more time" heroin uses,
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| | at all." It was his disagreement to
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| a note or two about love delivered via
| |
| | Bacardi, his opposition that gave my
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| bar napkin... Poetic, sure, but misery
| |
| | family more negotiating leverage. I
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| is poetic. One day, I just want to be
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| | finally did make a deal for a six-pack of
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| 100% sedate.Item #2. Never forget...
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| | generic beer, in exchange for listening
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| when you're in love, you can't trust
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| | time. But still, if I could have gotten
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| yourself.This is a valuable lesson. And,
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| | a bottle of Bacardi, that would have been
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| lessons as they are, this one ought to be
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| | the coolest intervention of my life. And
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| valued. Sure, people will tell you,
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| | for that reason, Joe-Bob-Bill (whatever)
|
| "Yeah, she fucked you over, but at least
| |
| | is now my worst enemy. This, devoted and
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| you learned from it." But then again,
| |
| | trusting reader, brings me to my next
|
| few people only learn their lesson when
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| | item.Item #6. Never forget... to
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| the broken end of a vodka bottle rips
| |
| | completely distrust your family.There are
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| through their face. Wait, I think it was
| |
| | a few sub-clauses, amendments, and "what
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| a gin bottle... Yeah, it had to be.
| |
| | if" altercations that come along with
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| That was her flavor. We were sitting on
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| | this item, but I'm sure that I'll be able
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| the couch, drinking, television, insert
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| | to fully recall them all if I ever need
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| typical setting component. My memory of
| |
| | this list of things to remember for
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| the incident isn't too great. I mostly
| |
| | advice. I don't really know what the
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| remember the police officer asking me,
| |
| | situation is, you know, different
|
| "Can you see me? How many fingers am I
| |
| | cultures all around the globe with
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| holding up?" For some reason, my mind
| |
| | different values and different family
|
| felt like it had calculated the situation
| |
| | relationships, and the way people even in
|
| with complete efficiency, and that the
| |
| | America have learned to evolve and change
|
| reply I was giving fit like a puzzle
| |
| | things. I really do think that your
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| piece. "Don't worry! I'll show you how
| |
| | family's implied impressions of you can
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| to tape the super bowl... That VCR was
| |
| | truly take a very degenerating toll on
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| never really good. We were planning on
| |
| | your mind. For so long, you've been at
|
| getting it replaced anyway..." The
| |
| | their mercy. Prejudices, bigotry,
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| officer asked me the question one more
| |
| | hatreds, loves, inadequacies expressed
|
| time, then called for an ambulence. The
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| | through rage and violence... All of this
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| last thing I remember, she was being
| |
| | is passed to you, not just by genes (if
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| dragged away in handcuffs, fighting and
| |
| | by genes at all), but by the way your
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| screaming. I caught something like,
| |
| | family acted and behaved when you were
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| "Fuck you! I never fucking loved you!
| |
| | just a young tot. I've come to the very
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| This was all your fault!" After that,
| |
| | clear conclusion that your family cannot
|
| it's all blank. When I got back out of
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| | be trusted. The natural, mental process,
|
| the hospital and came to collect my
| |
| | the one that tells you to always respect
|
| things (heh), the neighbor told me:
| |
| | and honor your parents' opinion, you have
|
| "Yeah, you sort of laid down after she
| |
| | to interject that with, "They're lying to
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| was dragged away... You kept saying, 'oh
| |
| | you." It needs to become instinct. So,
|
| god, oh god,' and stuff like that. Oh,
| |
| | when you get something like, "I think you
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| yeah, and you started crying and were
| |
| | have a drinking problem," your conscience
|
| like, 'I just need to lay down,
| |
| | needs to react: "They're lying to you."
|
| please...' Man, you must've been
| |
| | Then, you can reply, "Drinking problem?
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| wasted." Oh, that reminds me...Item #3.
| |
| | I call this a drinking solution. Ha! I
|
| Never forget... to get a copy of that
| |
| | made you look stupid." This instinct
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| police report.I'm always curious what the
| |
| | needs to act like a filter. So, you can
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| real deal was with that. Who the fuck
| |
| | hear a family member say, "Hey, I think
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| knows... Maybe there's a small piece of
| |
| | your girlfriend is violent and you should
|
| wisdom I left behind. Something cliche
| |
| | break up," your conscience goes off
|
| like, "At 4:30 A.M., the victim kept
| |
| | sending you a warning, and then your
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| repeating the phrase 'you have to
| |
| | brain processes: "Hhhmmmm, they could be
|
| remember... you can do anything you want
| |
| | right." But, I've already got crazy,
|
| to.'" Once I get the police report (I
| |
| | psychotic girlfriends covered in item
|
| really can't afford $10 a page right
| |
| | #2.Item #7. Never forget... to not call
|
| now), I'm sure that I'll be wealthy and
| |
| | your landlord a "cuntfuck" unless you
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| with friends, and that little bit of
| |
| | have a lease.This item is rather
|
| wisdom is going to go a long way. I
| |
| | self-explanatory.Item #8. Never
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| mean, shit, it might be something that's
| |
| | forget... to forget everything you
|
| not so cliche. It might be something
| |
| | learned in school.I'm sure that few
|
| practical. I could really go for a,
| |
| | people would disagree with me on this
|
| "Hey, you should really check out this
| |
| | point. Children are herded in to these
|
| jazz album the cops recommended," or
| |
| | enormous buildings. You can't piss
|
| something like, "Vodka and beer don't mix
| |
| | without permission. You can't walk
|
| well." I'm pretty sure I won't get
| |
| | without permission. Those who are
|
| something like, "When you're in love, you
| |
| | independent are punished. It's not
|
| can't trust yourself." That is going to
| |
| | education. Real education elevates your
|
| be etched in to my brain for quite a few
| |
| | mind and creates independence for you.
|
| years. Yeah, that's not long enough;
| |
| | When you can't piss without an
|
| hence, this list. Besides, fuck that
| |
| | authoritative figure's nod, you're
|
| neighbor. I bet I held up a little
| |
| | nothing more than a fuckin' slave.
|
| better than he describes.Item #4. Never
| |
| | Forget everything you've learned. Those
|
| forget... you cannot outdrink any of the
| |
| | stereotypes you picked up between smoking
|
| gang members from Hell's Angels.This, I
| |
| | weed in the bathroom and juggling numbers
|
| would like to think, was actually one of
| |
| | in class, that style of living that has
|
| the highlights of my life. I mean, how
| |
| | you cowering in fear... I could go on
|
| many people get to talk about the time
| |
| | and on. Facts are facts, and this will
|
| they actually got beat down by a
| |
| | always ring true: if you can't forget
|
| motorcycle gang? And not just any
| |
| | what you learn from school, you'll be
|
| motorcycle gang. The Hell's Angels. It
| |
| | cursed for life. Everything from your
|
| started with a bar, a motorcycle gang
| |
| | career to your family and your
|
| (Hell's Angels, yes yes), and five
| |
| | relationships. Fuck school. If you have
|
| gallons of cheap vodka. It seemed that I
| |
| | any respect for it, then stay the fuck
|
| became drunk, beligerent, etc., one of
| |
| | away from me.Item #9. Never forget...
|
| them insulted me, and I just swung. Like
| |
| | there's always time to change.I suppose
|
| my past experiences with violence, either
| |
| | that's the ultimate point of this of this
|
| there was so much alcohol and drugs or
| |
| | list. When I look through these items, I
|
| the violence was so excessive, that most
| |
| | remember every time I've made a personal
|
| of the memories of the incident are
| |
| | resolution, a commandment to myself.
|
| blurred. Fortunately, I am told, I
| |
| | And, everytime I think of those
|
| didn't get killed, which was a real risk,
| |
| | resolutions, I think about the moments I
|
| I guess. But, fuck that. Any time you
| |
| | abandon them. They seem like difficult
|
| can't -- oh, wait, this should be the
| |
| | moments. I hear echoes of family,
|
| next item...Item #5. Never forget...
| |
| | telling me, "That's because you never
|
| any time you're afraid of doing
| |
| | finish anything you start," or maybe I'm
|
| something, just because you might die
| |
| | looking at a police officer through the
|
| afterwards, is a time that you officially
| |
| | bars of a holding cell, listening to the
|
| have labelled yourself as a pussy. Go
| |
| | same old argument: "I didn't have to
|
| get drunk and think about the decision
| |
| | bring you in here, but I did." For every
|
| you've made.Actually, fuck that. I don't
| |
| | promise that I've made to myself and
|
| need a reminder for that. Maybe I need a
| |
| | broken, I've made another promise. I
|
| reminder on like, getting regular therapy
| |
| | guess that's why I've labelled this, "A
|
| to treat that ideal. But, a reminder for
| |
| | List of Things to Be Afraid of." Right
|
| that? Fuck it. Scratch that fucker
| |
| | now, I think I'm going to go out to the
|
| off...Item #5. Never forget... anytime
| |
| | bar with my friends, see if I can
|
| you're afraid of doing something, just
| |
| | outdrink anyone, and see if I can fall in
|
| because you might die afterwards, is a
| |
| | love with some stranger. If anyone ever
|
| time that you officially have labelled
| |
| | finds this list, I'll make sure to tell
|
| yourself as a pussy. Go get drunk and
| |
| | them, "Don't take that advice to heart,
|
| think about the decision you've made. (I
| |
| | kid... Living life like that just isn't
|
| suck. I can't believe I wrote this...
| |
| | worth it." To all the mistakes I've
|
| sub-item #5: get therapy, heh.)Item #5.
| |
| | made, I suppose the hardest thing I have
|
| Never forget... always make time to get
| |
| | to learn is that I can always change.
|
| wasted with your friends.This is an
| |
| | Life,Punkerslut (or Andy Carloff) has
|
| important note. Any lengthy amount of
| |
| | been writing essays and poetry on social
|
| time during life that does not include
| |
| | issues which have caught his attention
|
| getting off in some way or form will
| |
| | for several years. His website provides
|
| first burn, tear, rip, and eventually
| |
| | a complete list of all of these writings.
|
| destroy you. If at any time, you think
| |
| | His life experience includes
|
| you've been sober for far too long,
| |
| | homelessness, squating in New Orleans and
|
| immediately take a ride to the nearest
| |
| | LA, dropping out of high school, getting
|
| liquor store and get some booze. Friends
| |
| | expelled from college for "subversive
|
| are a plus in this situation. Even if
| |
| | activities," and a myriad of other
|
| you have to fuckin' mark it on your
| |
| | revolutionary actions.
|
| calendar, make sure you gets wasted with
| |
| |
|
