| "Mom, what did the doctor say about your
| |
| | asked to volunteer,
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| liver function
| |
| | instead of jumping in with a "Yes", say,
|
| tests?" Martha and her mother Leah spent
| |
| | instead, "I'll get
|
| plenty of time on
| |
| | back to you on that." You will come to
|
| the phone the days before the follow-up
| |
| | understand that "no"
|
| doctor visit talking
| |
| | is a complete sentence, and you can
|
| about what this abnormal blood test
| |
| | utter the word! If you
|
| could mean. With a heavy
| |
| | can't imagine doing this, use this "fake
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| sigh Leah said, "Well, the doctor looked
| |
| | it till you make it
|
| like he was having
| |
| | trick"...tell yourself that you're
|
| a hard day, and there were lots of
| |
| | taking care of your
|
| people in the waiting
| |
| | children's father, your mother's
|
| room and they looked very sick, so I
| |
| | daughter or your pet's
|
| didn't ask." Martha
| |
| | owner.Take care of yourself every
|
| said, "If you took care of yourself with
| |
| | day.Get exercise, nutrition and rest
|
| just a fraction of
| |
| | every day. Do something
|
| the nurturing you give to everyone else
| |
| | that recharges your batteries every day
|
| in the whole world,
| |
| | no matter what. It's
|
| you would be in great shape."Leah's life
| |
| | a cliché, but when you're on a plane
|
| is guided by two words: "Be nice." In her
| |
| | you're instructed to
|
| perfect day, everyone gets along, she
| |
| | put on your own mask before taking care
|
| anticipates and meets
| |
| | of others.Bring an advocate with you to
|
| the needs of others and goes to sleep
| |
| | the doctor.Engaging in acts of self-care,
|
| knowing she's a worthy
| |
| | like going to the doctor, can
|
| person because people tell her so. Leah
| |
| | feel like swimming upstream to a
|
| avoids conflict and
| |
| | people-pleaser. Being nice
|
| she would never dream of making a scene.
| |
| | takes the form of being a good patient
|
| When she gave the
| |
| | who doesn't make
|
| cashier at the grocery store a $20 bill
| |
| | waves.Here is something critical to
|
| for a $7 item and
| |
| | remember: You are not there to
|
| got back $3 she didn't say a word. Her
| |
| | take care of your doctor; your doctor is
|
| perfectionism usually
| |
| | there to take care
|
| heads off criticism, but sometimes it
| |
| | of you. In the past you may have made
|
| backfires. She tried
| |
| | your medical choices
|
| to help her adult son, who said with
| |
| | by raising your antennae and tuning into
|
| annoyance, "Mom, stop
| |
| | what you think will
|
| being such a people-pleaser." Leah's
| |
| | make your doctor happy. You certainly
|
| darkest fear is that
| |
| | want your doctor's
|
| she will not give enough and wind up all
| |
| | opinion, and in most cases you will
|
| alone, abandoned by
| |
| | agree with your doctor's
|
| her friends and family.While being nice
| |
| | recommendations. Sometimes getting good
|
| sounds like a good idea, there's a
| |
| | care means making
|
| problem.
| |
| | waves, like asking , "What are the other
|
| It doesn't work. People pleasers often
| |
| | treatment options?"
|
| take care of others
| |
| | or requesting a more complete
|
| at the expense of themselves. Activities
| |
| | explanation or seeking a
|
| that promote
| |
| | second medical opinion.While it's always
|
| health, like the daily walk and a good
| |
| | a good idea to take a second set of
|
| night's sleep are
| |
| | listening ears to a doctor appointment,
|
| sacrificed when someone else is in need.
| |
| | it's particularly
|
| Trying to avoid or
| |
| | important if you're a people-pleaser. An
|
| ignore conflict and anger is like trying
| |
| | advocate will
|
| to hold a beach
| |
| | assure that you and your health care
|
| ball under water. Unexpressed feelings
| |
| | team stay focused on
|
| can pop up as
| |
| | taking care of you.Accept
|
| physical ailments, such as heartburn or
| |
| | help.People-pleasers can give from dawn
|
| depression or back
| |
| | to dusk, but they rarely
|
| pain. When your value as a person is
| |
| | accept help, even when they're sick.
|
| defined by what other
| |
| | When I ask my patients
|
| people think about you, and you don't
| |
| | who are people-pleasers how it feels to
|
| measure up, food or
| |
| | help a friend
|
| alcohol medicate the emptiness.If you're
| |
| | struggling with illness, the answer is a
|
| a people-pleaser who gets sick, the same
| |
| | broad smile. Then I
|
| behaviors
| |
| | remind them that when they accept help,
|
| that got you to the doctor in the first
| |
| | they give their
|
| place may stand in
| |
| | friends a chance to have those same good
|
| the way of getting good health care. You
| |
| | feelings.If you are a people-pleaser,
|
| might not want to
| |
| | your heart might be racing. I
|
| "trouble your doctor" with your
| |
| | assure you I'm not asking to give up
|
| problems. If you have side
| |
| | serving others. I'm
|
| effects from a medication, you might
| |
| | suggesting that a healthy life is a life
|
| simply stop taking the
| |
| | in balance, and I
|
| pills rather than tell your doctor that
| |
| | encourage you to treat yourself as
|
| you want to try a
| |
| | nicely as you treat
|
| different medication. A cross look from
| |
| | others. When you take care of yourself,
|
| the front office
| |
| | you offer us the
|
| staff when you ask for a copy of your
| |
| | gift of most fully who you are. Then you
|
| medical record may be
| |
| | can really serve.It's more important than
|
| all you need to decide that you're not
| |
| | ever to take an active role in your
|
| doing that again.The bottom line is that
| |
| | healthcare. The best way to get
|
| being nice can be hazardous to your
| |
| | top-quality, safe and
|
| health. It erodes your health and
| |
| | effective healthcare is to actively and
|
| impairs your ability to
| |
| | knowledgably
|
| get better if you're sick.I invite you
| |
| | participate. Visit for the
|
| to examine how being nice is working for
| |
| | tools to get you there.Copyright ©
|
| you.
| |
| | Vicki Rackner MD, 2005Vicki Rackner, MD,
|
| Serving others offers great rewards.
| |
| | president of Medical Bridges, is a board-
|
| Serving at the expense
| |
| | certified surgeon who left the operating
|
| of yourself comes with a huge cost that
| |
| | room to help
|
| ultimately limits
| |
| | employees become active participants in
|
| your ability to serve. You can be freed
| |
| | their health care.
|
| from the
| |
| | She is a consultant, speaker and author
|
| imprisonment of people-pleasing. If you
| |
| | of the *Personal
|
| want to treat
| |
| | Health Journal*, author/editor of
|
| yourself with more love and respect,
| |
| | *Chicken Soup for the
|
| here are some thoughts.Re-think being
| |
| | Healthy Heart Soul* and author of the
|
| nice.People-pleasing is a learned
| |
| | lead story for
|
| behavior that can be unlearned.
| |
| | *Chicken Soup for the Breast Cancer
|
| Although habits may be deeply engrained,
| |
| | Soul.* Dr. Rackner can
|
| small changes can
| |
| | be reached at or
|
| make a huge difference. Next time you're
| |
| | (425) 451-3777.
|
